How about that! I made it to day 16.

Life is not a fairy tale. If you lose a shoe at midnight, you’re drunk.

I’m going to Jersey. Travel to NJ was tough. 6am flight meant up at 3:45 am, which wasn’t a total problem since sleeping wasn’t coming easy for me. I could not wait to be with my life long friends. Friends who I have not seen in ten, twenty years. I knew that these friends would ease my pain with one hug. Each one of them. I couldn’t wait for my hugs.

I booked an Airbnb, but then Karen stepped in. Oh thank goodness. Karen and I have been friends since we were 4 yrs old. Nursery school. Our friendship undulated over the years but it never ceased. Karen, Lisa and I texted our plans back and forth. Who was picking me up from the airport, would we go to lunch, just a bunch of benign details. We settled with me taking an uber to Karen’s house and go from there.

Karen’s mother died from cancer when Karen was 7 months pregnant with her first daughter whom she named after her mother, Grace. Grace, it’s a perfect name, and it was something I was working very hard at grace, giving grace. Forgiving those who hurt me.

I needed Karen, I didn’t have one clue that my weekend with her and her family would profoundly impact me and become the first step towards my healing process. Karen understood grief when she lost her mother Grace. 19 yrs have gone by since Grace passed away and Karen still grieves her mother. Grief, it doesn’t go away, it changes form, you miss your loved ones. We are left living with the memories of the people we loved so much.

Karen and her husband Jim made me feel at ease. They listened, they did not tell me how I should be, think or grieve. We shared stories of our experiences of our unexplained encounters and the energy that we believed to be her Mother and Lorick. Yes! I am not crazy, thank goodness someone else understands.

They rescued me from Ex-Wife Island.

My high school reunion was fantastic. That was the way it had to be. I wished more of my classmates could have made it, but I was happy to wrap my arms around everyone who did. I literally hugged everyone I could. I wanted to feel their energy, I needed their energy to recharge me. I laughed and cried that night. Just like Karen and Jim, my classmates rescued me from Ex-Wife Island. It was magical.

Time for me to head back to Beaufort. Here I am, day 16, going home. I felt ready to get home. I had a renewed sense of self, even a touch of self-love.

As I started my journey home, I felt enlightened in some kind of way. I guess it’s hard to put down in words. My uber to the airport and I had deep theological conversation about life, death and love. The interesting thing was I had never even mentioned to him that Lorick had recently died. When I got out of the car I felt like I had a positive energy field around me. I also had a tremendous headache and sore throat. Probably a result of too much Verona.

My flight was delayed and I had about 2 hours before boarding. I deceided to get a bloody mary at a kiosk bar near my gate. A man sat one seat away from me and he was on the phone in deep conversation. I noticed he took a bottle of Advil out of his pocket and set it on the bar. Man, that looked good. I made my move and motioned to him if I could have 2 of his Advil, he slid the bottle over to me.

He ended his phone call. Peter, was his name. He looked over at me and said, “If you need more than 2, please take it.” I told him I was fine and then we started a conversation.

He was visably upset and he asked me if I wouldn’t mind if he spoke with me about what was upseting him. Random, but it made me feel good that my presence made him comfortable. Peter, had witnessed what he called an undignified death. The death was that of a homeless man in NYC who was outside of the hotel he was staying in. The homeless man was sitting propped up agaist the hotel, head bent down. That was how Peter saw him that morning. When Peter returned to the hotel, the homeless man had not moved. Same exact position. Peter knew what he was seeing but could not beleive no one else noticed him, especially the doorman of the hotel. Peter called 911. When they arrived, it was confirmed the homeless man had died.

Peter was very angry and upset with the staff at the hotel. I listend. When he was done talking I told him about grace. Giving grace. I gave him a different point of view. Perhaps this homeless man sat in that spot all the time, maybe he was a fixture of sorts and the staff were used to him being there, sleeping there. Maybe when he sat there people gave him food, maybe he and the doorman were not on good terms for whatever reason, maybe there is just more to it. I asked Peter to try and give grace to those he was angry with. He said, “Grace?” We spoke about what grace is or what my version of it was. I told him grace was what was keeping my shit together. I asked him again to try, I told him if he gives all of the people in the hotel grace he will be free of anger. Grace = freedom.

Peter started to cry. He said to me, “I could have sat anywhere in this airport, but here I am sitting next to you, and I don’t know you, but you just taught me so much. You have changed my entire perspective, thank you so much.”

I couldn’t have done that if I wasn’t actively trying to give grace to those who I felt hurt by after Lorick’s death. I am practicing grace every day, I struggle sometimes, but I don’t give up. It has been essential for my healing.

Day 16, you did not suck.