I consider myself a crayon, I might not be your favorite color but one day you’ll need me to complete your picture. ~ Savannah Highnote

This is a test… This is only a test. Stay calm and trust the process. Seriously?! How many times do I have to go through life’s fire drills? It’s especially frustrating because I dared to say, “I am really happy. I feel like the universe finally heard me.” Well, shame on me for feeling good and happy! The day after I said those words, the universe replied, “Not so fast!” Apparently, there’s a different path ahead.

What could this be? Where am I supposed to be? I usually feel connected and have been working on strengthening my spiritual connections and honing my intuition. But now, it’s like radio silence. Nothing. I feel blocked. The past week has been a rollercoaster. Last week’s holiday provided a distraction from the reality of my uncertain future. But Monday came along and said, “Here I am. You’ve got nothing but time.” All those little house projects I dreamed of doing if I only had ‘free’ time don’t seem so appealing anymore.

One thing I definitely know about myself is that I thrive when I’m working. I thrive when I’m passionate about what I do. I was passionate about my job with the traveling doctor’s office. It was a job where I got to help people, give back, support those who needed extra care, and be there for them compassionately and empathetically. And just like that, poof! Gone. Because, my friends, that’s how corporate America works. Compassion and empathy don’t always align with making money.

I’m not bitter. I’m sad. I’m not sad because I don’t have a steady income (though maybe I should be). I’m mostly sad about leaving behind the wonderful souls I met during my travels. The patients who really needed me. Maybe I needed them too. I trust that God has a plan for me. I have to trust in His divine intervention.

But, dear God, it’s me, Denice. Please, give me a sign or a message. Use me to continue helping others. And one more thing… I would like to feel that happiness again.

• Boss Up
• Cellar Stories
• Layers of Grief
• Mother Runner
• Roll with it
• What just happened??