Layers of Grief – Page 2 – The Dish by Deni

Gone Just Like That: Three Hundred Forty One

October 12th, 2023

Is your drama going to have an intermission soon?

341 days have passed, and it feels like an eternity since you left me. I told myself that I wouldn’t put pen to paper until I reached that symbolic mark of 365 days, but I can’t keep my promise. It’s as if the moment October 5th came and went, my anxiety spiked, and I found myself trapped in the haunting memories of last year, October 2022.

I can’t help but replay those moments, like a movie that won’t stop playing. Every last time with you, each laugh, each touch, they’re etched in my mind. It’s haunting, and I’m always on the lookout. I think I see you in the corner of my eye, behind every turn, but when I reach out, it’s just the empty air. It’s like a relentless trick my mind plays on me, a cruel reminder that you’re gone.

I miss you so much, and the longing is unbearable at times. There’s this unexplainable fear that I’ll lose you, even though you’re already gone. The grief is like a weight that I can’t shake off. It’s hard to manage my emotions. I can feel myself spiraling, losing control, and I don’t know how to stop it.

I keep hoping you’ll visit me in my dreams, just one last time. But then, I realize I sometimes sabotage it. Maybe I’m scared that the dreams will be so vivid that waking up without you will be even more painful. It’s a complex dance of desire and self-protection.

Where are you? Why did you have to leave? I need you so badly. I long for your comforting presence, your care. I need you to take care of me. Please, come back.

It’s a jumble of emotions, a rollercoaster that I never wanted to ride. But writing this down, getting it out, it helps. It’s my way of reaching out to you, of keeping your memory alive. Grief is a messy journey, and I’m navigating it the best I can, one day at a time.

A note to myself:

Take your time to heal and express your emotions as they come. Grief is unique to each person, and there’s no right or wrong way to experience it. Writing can be a powerful tool in processing your feelings and memories.

Gone Just Like That; Disenfranchised Grief.

April 25th, 2023

Shhhhh……… NO ONE CARES.

Losing someone you care about is always difficult. But what happens when your grief isn’t acknowledged or supported by society or the people around you? This is known as disenfranchised grief, and it’s what I’ve been experiencing since my ex-husband passed away six months ago.

Our relationship was not a conventional one. Despite our divorce, we still cared deeply for each other. I loved him deeply and was devastated by his loss. However, my grief was made even more painful by the fact that I was excluded from his family’s mourning process in just about every way.

Not being included or regarded was a painful experience for me. It felt like a harsh reminder that my grief was not considered valid. Our relationship had no value, as if it never existed. Just a figment of my imagination. Learning about his celebration of life and the scattering of ashes through social media (with actual photos of his ashes being thrown in the river) was also hurtful and insensitive.

But, I did not imagine our relationship. We had a deep connection, and our love for each other didn’t end just because we weren’t married anymore. It was difficult to mourn his loss without being able to share my feelings with his family, who were an important part of his life.

This is the pain of disenfranchised grief. When we lose a loved one, we often rely on the support of family and friends to help us through the grieving process. However, when that support is lacking, it can make the experience even more painful. It can be especially challenging when your grief is not acknowledged by society or the people around us.

As I have come to understand, disenfranchised grief is a common experience, particularly when the relationship between the mourner and the deceased is not seen as conventional or “normal.” It’s okay to feel angry, sad, and frustrated, and to seek out support from other sources if the people around you aren’t able to provide it.

In the end, what helped me the most was finding ways to honor my ex-husband’s memory on my own. I found comfort in writing about my feelings and sharing my story with others who have gone through similar experiences.

If you’re grieving the loss of a loved one and feel like your grief is not being acknowledged or supported, know that your feelings are valid and important. You deserve to mourn the loss of someone you loved, regardless of the circumstances of your relationship. I hope that sharing my story will help others going through similar experiences feel less alone and more understood.

Gone Just Like That; Pennies & Feathers

April 8th, 2023

I admit that my weirdness is above the national average, but I’m comfortable with that.

I said I would stop counting days. I stuck to that. I guess I couldn’t really keep up with day counting anyway. So, let me just wreck my brain and count by months. Oh, that seems like a great idea! Not to keep anyone who may be reading this in suspense, it’s been five months now. Specifically, it’s been five months since Lorick passed away.

I believe that our loved ones who pass away leave behind a unique energy or vibration. I often receive signs from Lorick. From the air tag that he gave me, which randomly chimes from the drawer where it rests, to pennies from 1970, hawks perched on umbrellas, shattered glass, and even a cool breeze that brushes against me when I’m in my backyard.

Recently, as I was walking towards my office, I noticed a white feather lying in my path. I remembered hearing or reading somewhere that white feathers, or feathers in general, could be a spiritual message from a loved one or an angel. Hoping that it was a sign from Lorick, I picked it up and placed it on my desk.

Over the next five days, I encountered more white feathers in various locations. While I knew they were not from Lorick, I wondered who they were from and what they were trying to tell me. Could it be my friend Jennifer, who passed away too young? She was a hairdresser, and the feathers could be related to her. I felt as though I was trying to solve a mysterious puzzle.

It was Friday, and I had been staring at my computer screen for what felt like hours. I needed a break. The weather was beautiful, so I decided to go for a walk. I plugged in my earbuds and listened to some acoustic guitar, enjoying the peacefulness of the music.

As I walked, I moved to the side of the road to tie my shoe. That’s when I spotted a penny waiting for me to pick it up. I put it in my pocket and looked up at the sky, saying a quick “thank you” for the unexpected find.

But the surprises didn’t end there. A feather floated gently in front of me and brushed against my foot before settling on the ground. This feather was different from the others I had found before; it wasn’t white and had been discovered while it was in motion.

I couldn’t help but wonder what was happening. The penny and feather felt like more than just coincidence. Was someone trying to send me a message? The mystery lingered in my mind as I continued my walk, feeling a sense of curiosity and excitement about what might come next.

As I walked along, I focused on calming my mind and being open to receiving any message that might come my way. Soon, I came across a bench that overlooked the Beaufort River, and it was the perfect spot to reflect. As I gazed at the river and the puffy clouds above, one of the clouds caught my eye. It looked just like our dear Maggie Girl, whom we had put down only a month before. I took a picture of the clouds and sat there for a few more minutes, lost in thought about life and the past few months.

As I prepared to head back to work, I gathered my penny and feather and went on my way. Later that evening, after a long day at work, I sat down to look at the pictures on my phone. When I came across the picture of the clouds, I was amazed at what I saw. It wasn’t just the cloud formation that caught my eye – it was the image of Lee Lee, Lorick’s mother, who had passed away in April 2022.

In that moment, I knew that Lee Lee had been sending me the feathers all along. There was no doubt in my mind that she was letting me know that she loved me, that she knew I loved her son, and that they were together in a peaceful place. It was a message of hope and love that brought me comfort and strengthened my belief that those we love and lose are never truly gone.

Cellar Stories: Needy

March 31st, 2023

Needy, needy, don’t be so greedy,
For the needy, you get nothing really.
The need, the desire, the seed is in your mire,
But need isn’t always dire.

Just be patient, don’t perspire,
For it is when we need, we must aspire.
For need can be a fuel for the fire,
A catalyst to reach higher.

But you do not need to put yourself in a quagmire,
Chasing after what you think you require.
Sometimes, letting go can take you higher,
And lead you to what you truly desire.

So let go of the need that’s weighing you down,
And rise up to claim your crown.
For it’s not in the need, but in the power you’ve found,
That you can truly wear your life’s gown.

Cellar Stories

Cellar Stories; Fearless Freedom

March 21st, 2023

Poems from the Island, ’99

I am free, I am fearless, I am me,
But sometimes fear has held me tight, not letting me be.
But now I’m determined to break that stubborn hold,
And let my fearless spirit take hold.

Pain, suffering, and more pain,
My mind tells me it’s all in my brain.
No room for remorse, no space for forgiveness,
I choose to fight and resist.

But I’ve learned from experience, education, and enlightenment,
That true fearlessness comes from accepting and not fighting.
So I let it seep into my brain,
And now my fearless spirit will sustain.

I won’t settle for the untold,
But will challenge myself to break the mold.
I’m fearless, because life as I see it,
Is something I can embrace with pride and spirit.

So I am free, I am fearless, I am me,
Ready to embrace whatever life may be.

Cellar Stories

Cellar Stories; Island World

March 21st, 2023

Poems from the Island ’98

On an island.

On an island, I reside, A place of peace where I can hide. But don’t be fooled by the serene view, For demons lurk within me too.

They hide behind my smiling face, Their presence I cannot erase. They whisper secrets I cannot ignore, And beg me to open up the door.

But are you out there? No, I am in here, My soul, my old soul, full of fear. I cannot outrun the pain inside, So I must settle and abide.

I’ll face the demons, one by one, Until their hold on me is done. I’ll dig deep and find the strength I need, To heal my wounds and let them bleed.

For on this island, I am not alone, And though the demons have overthrown, My spirit remains strong and true, And I’ll fight until the battle is through.

So let the waves crash and the winds howl, For I’ll rise above them with a growl. My island solitude may be my plight, But I’ll emerge stronger, full of light.

Cellar Stories

Gone, just like that. Maggie Girl.

March 3rd, 2023

“Life is too short. Smile while you have teeth.”

Maggie Girl Davis crossed the rainbow bridge 2/20/23. When you apply numerology to the date, February 20, 2023, it equals 11. 11 is known as the Angel number. Angel number 11 is a number often called ‘the messenger’ or ‘the teacher’ and it is often associated with those who have a greater purpose within their lives to provide inspiration and spiritual guidance to others. I believe Maggie served that purpose and will continue to serve as a messenger or teacher from heaven.

During her time living with us on Earth, she lived freely, happy and full of love and light. She was a sweet and special dog.

Why Maggie? I had a personal training client, Rhonda. Rhonda was an advocate for animals. She also advocated for a local animal shelter. She made it her mission to find a home for every animal residing there. She would rescue dogs, cats, you name it. In her pursuit to find a home for the animals at J.A.R.M. – AKA, Jasper Animal Rescue Mission, she encouraged me to take my boys to JARM. She insist the dogs and cats would love the visit. Ok, Rhonda, we will visit the animals. The honest truth, I did not want the responsibility of a new pet, my boys were 8, 5, and 1. I had enough to take care of at the time. But Rhonda was persistant, so the boys and I paid the shelter a visit.

On our first visit, we were told 2 puppies were outside in the shelter kennels. The puppies were about 12 weeks old. They were litter mates found in the woods with no mother in site. Staff at the kennel told us the female puppy, who they named Maxine was very timid and fearful of humans. The shelter had contenplated putting her down. The staff explained, when a dog is fearful of humans they have a tendency to bite or show aggression. Maxine seemed to have turned the corner, her disposition towards humans gradually changed, so, the shelter reconsidered her fate.

The boys and I entered her kennel. Maxine slowly approached us allowing us to pet her. “Wow” the staff said. “She hasn’t done that with anyone. Maxine clearly feels comfortable with y’all.” JARM’s policy required us to visit with her several more times before we could adopt and bring her home.

Finally, the day had come, Maxine was coming home with us. We had one little issue, her name, Maxine. My son’s name is Maxwell, and we call him Max. Maxine and Max were too similar sounding, we needed to change Maxine’s name. I did not want to confuse Maxine, so we changed her name to Maggie. Maggie Girl it is. Mags for short.

Maggie was nervous those first few days in the house. One interesting behavior Maggie presented when we got her home was fear of walking on floors. The hard wood or tile flooring seemed to be an issue for her. She was completely uncertain the floors could sustain her. For the next 13 years we did our best to limit her exposure to floors. She only had to cross over 1ft of floor to get to the living room and every single time she would start her descent we would have to offer her words of encouragement, “Come on girl, you got this, come on Maggie, good girl, you can do it!” I am not exaggerating in the least on that detail either! Maggie was that kind of special. However, when she was outside, look out! Wild and free, she was the happiest running around in our yard.

Our home is nestled back in a wooded area of our neighborhood. We live on just over an acre of land and set back off the main road. Because of our location we allowed Maggie to roam freely. For the most part she never went too far. There was an occasionally sighting of her along our dirt road, however she seemed content just staying close to home. At times, she would venture into the woods, one time bringing home a horse’s skull! On another occassion, a neighbors Guinea Hens got lose, wandering into our yard. I remember not only did Maggie nab one of those hens, she ran around chasing the others. The boys happened to be playing on their swing set when this happened. I heard them screaming “NO MAGGIE!” I looked out the window, feathers were flying through the air, hens were trying to climb the trees, it was hysterical chaos! Maggie loved to saunter over to my neighbor Barb’s house. Barb’s dogs would be in their kennel and Maggie would run past barking only 2 times and then saunter herself right on home, leaving Barb’s dogs a total barking mess! She was a trip.

I will never forget the evening of Sept. 15, 2015. We let Maggie out the back door to do her “business”. Maybe 5 minutes went by and we called for her to come in, nothing. 30 Minutes, no sign of her, and that continued through out the evening. We were hoping she would be at the door the next morning, but she was not. I posted a missing dog alert on Facebook and we hung lost dog flyers in the neighborhood. No sign of our Mags. 10 months passed by and no Maggie. We wondered what happened to her, was she hit by a car and died in the woods? Was it a snake bite, alligator? What happened to out Mags? Ben, my son, was inspired to write a little story about her vanishing. His story: Aliens came down from the sky and took her away to a new planet. Bottom line, we were all so sad she was gone.

10 months missing. I got a call from the a Vet Tech at Sea Island Animal Hospital. They asked me an unexpected question, “Do you have a dog named Maggie?” I was short on words to that question so I just responded, “I did.” They told me they had her. Someone had found her 3 months prior. The man that found her had to bring his other dogs in for a check-up, so he brought Maggie too. He told the vet’s office she had wandered into his backyard and was thin. He also told them he put flyers up but no one reached out to him, so he kept her. He took great care of her. She was well fed and loved. He told us he never thought to call animal control or take her to the vet to get scanned for a micro-chip. I know he felt badly about that but, thank goodness she had been chipped!! I rushed to the vet’s office, I was worried they had it wrong and I would have to process losing her all over again. I did not tell the boys where I was going I just told them I would be right back. I burst into the vet’s office and there she was!! Her sweet face brightened up when she saw me. MAGS!!! I started crying, a lot! They were happy tears and I could not wait to bring her home to the boys. When I got her home, they had the same reaction as I did, tears of joy. Our Maggie Girl was home.

Our Mags encountered other mishaps and adventures along her way. We would ask her to tell us her stories and she would just look at us with her bright eyes and give us a bark. She was a survivor, no question. Even surviving a cooperhead bite to the snout. Mags didn’t stay in Beaufort, she became a college girl. She traveled up to Rock Hill, SC to attend Winthrop University with Maxwell, Jackson and Anne Watts. She spread her love to all of the humans she met along her way. We will forever miss her and love her.

Maggie Girl Davis ~ 2008-2023

“A companion is gone … but the memory lives on. If the kindest souls were rewarded with the longest lives, dogs would outlive us all.”

Gone, just like that. Penny from Heaven.

February 11th, 2023

To be honest, I’m just winging it….. Life, motherhood, my mascara…..everything.

January 19th, 2023

Lot’s of thinking and processing. I am thinking about me, my life, my children, what is best for all of us. I find myself in a continued state of disbelief that Lorick is gone forever. Gone from his earthly presence. Grief, it’s hard. Grief does not have an expiration date, nor a best if used by either. Grief, it sits in my cellar like wine waiting to peak. My grief, I want it to age like fine wine, I have hope and optimism that it will mature to a final release, along with dread and fear. The fear is of waiting not long enough or too long, of storing it wrong and, ultimately, of missing out on what could have been, or what once was. Just like a beautiful bouquet fine wine can possess, it is also very complex. My grief is complex.

My friend Walter, who is also a 2TI camp partner, reached out and let me know he was heading to the camp to take care of a few things. I asked him who was going with him. He said he was going alone, everyone else had prior plans. After he told me this, there was a silent pause between us. Before I opened my mouth and asked my question, I already knew the answer, but I asked anyway. “I want to go. I want to go to say hello to Lorick, to be around him. Can I go?” Walter said, “You are always invited by me, but it’s just me, and you know how people can talk.” Of course I know how people can talk! So, I started thinking of ways to make a quick one night trip in January to 2TI work… My son Ben! I could ask Ben if he and his buddies want to go out there for the night. Perfect! Problem solved. But, it wasn’t perfect or solved. Ben had a basketball game and the reality I quickly came to terms with, was I was trying to fit a square peg in a round hole. Not this time. I gave up. I was trying to force something that was not possible. I decieded to relish in knowing Walter thought of me, and Lorick.

Later that afternoon, I sent Walter a message, “Hey there, if you are out at the camp, just tell him I have been thinking about him. I hope that’s not too weird.” Walter simply responded “Nope” and followed it with a picture of the sunset.

The next morning Walter sent me a picture of a beautiful sunrise accompanied with a text message that said, “He said thank you and he is thinking of you as well.” My heart burst. It burst with all sorts of feelings, happniess, sadness, sorrow, and longing for his presence. How incredibly kind of Walter to send that message to me, tears rolled down my face after seeing the sunrise photo and having hope that my message reached Lorick.

Thank you Walter.

About 30 minutes after I got my message from Walter I left my house to head on with my day. I needed to gas up my car, so that was the first stop. I kept thinking about 2TI and Walters message, I wanted it to be true, I wanted to believe Lorick was thinking about me too. I pulled into the gas station and up to the pump, as I got out of my car I looked about 6 feet away from me and saw a dull round shape on the ground. I immediately knew it was a penny. The mason jar I threw into the river when I said my goodbyes to Lorick, included pennies and dimes, along with a note that asked him to give me a sign from time to time so I knew he was around me. I looked at this dull round object for a minute and then started talking to myself about it. (not out loud of course!) I said to myself, if this penny is dated 1970 I know for sure what Walter told me is true, he is thinking of me too. 1970 was the year Lorick was born. I approached the penny, picked it up, and bam! 1970! Tears of happiness flowed down my face, I didn’t care who saw me crying either, it was an incredible moment for me. It gave me hope. Hope that we never loose our love ones, their energy exists, we only loose their earthly presence.

Lorick, thank you for sending me a penny from heaven. xoxo D

Sowing the Seeds ~ You Go Girl!

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A Blank Canvas Enjoys the Paint

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Gone, just like that. Mason Jar.

January 31st, 2023

I’ve got it all together, but I forgot where I put it.

Today is the day. Today I am going to 2TI to say goodbye to Lorick. I have a large mason jar filled with memories to give to him. I have enclosed a letter, pennies and dimes, a couple of pictures, and other sentimental items. I put the pictures in a zip lock bag, which is kind of stupid because I’m throwing this jar into the depths of the river, totally submerged. I don’t plan on getting the pictures back. But something in me wants to protect all the little items.

I have asked my boys to join me. Jackson and Max were reluctant at first Ben was good to go, Ben had a different relationship with him. Max and Jackson did not like Lorick. It wasn’t always like that, but after Lorick and I got married his relationship with my children took a turn, Lorick started asserting more dominance in the house. He needed to prove he was the ‘man of the house’, which was a joke, because he most definately was not the ‘man of the house’. I was. I was for many reasons too. Mainly financial. Lorick wasn’t willing to contribute to our monthly home expenses. He would tell me he had his own bills to pay, children who he was putting through college, which I may add was not the full truth.

Lorick had a tendency to compare his children to mine. Of course his children compared on the winning end of the spectrum. My boys didn’t come close to his superior offspring. He would tell me he raised his children God’s way. They were pure, without fault. How lovely it must be to produce offspring who have zero imperfections.

When we would go to 2TI as a family, Lorick would insist my boys help him load the boat, clean the boat, help him with all of the laborous tasks. Lorick’s children only needed to show up, not helping at all. The inequity between my children and his was too much. After time, my boys grew to dislike him, resent him. I didn’t blame them and understood, but I did continue to try and be the peacemaker for all of us.

I asked Walter who is one of the 2TI partners and a friend of mine if he wouldn’t mind bringing me out there to say goodbye before the year was up. He said absolutely. We met at the Station Creek boat landing in the afternoon. It was very sunny and about 70 degrees, which was great for December. The ride out to 2TI was a bit colder, but not terrible, I was prepared with extra jackets. We pulled up to the dock and pier head. Walter walked up to the camp, the boys sat on the pier head swing and I sat alone on the dock. The sun was sparkling all over the river, it was pretty. I leaned over and started talking to the water. “Can you hear me? Do you know I am here? Question for you Lorick, why the heck did you have your ashes scattered in the river? It’s dark down there! You missed the boat on that one. Should have done it on dry land. Can’t see the sunrise down there.” I was poking at him. Lorick and I had a sense of humor maybe only we understood. But, I know he would understand the poke.

I yelled up to Jackson and asked him to join me on the dock. I felt he had the strongest arm out of the 3 and I wanted him to throw the mason jar far out towards the center of the river. I gave the jar one more look and handed it over to Jackson.

That kid has an arm! He chucked that jar almost to the center of the river. The tide was going out and the current appeared to be strong. As I looked towards the direction in which Jackson threw the jar I noticed an extra sparkle.

Oh for crying out loud! I never poked a hole in the top of the lid. This dam jar is not sinking, it’s just floating along with the current. I ran up to the pier head to get a better look and to also confirm what I was seeing. Yup, I now have a message in a jar instead of a sunken never to be recovered personal memorial. Good one Deni. God knows where this thing is going! My luck it will wash up on the sandbar in July durring the Beaufort Water Festival! I am sure Lorick was quite amused and enjoyed poking back at me. I didn’t care, the boys and I had a good laugh about it. Now, it’s time to head home and start our lives fresh.

Goodbye Lorick, I’ll be back to visit you. I promise. xoxo

Layers of Grief

Gone Just Like That: 719

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Gone, just like that. I am a Badass.

January 30th, 2023

Not only does my mind wander…. sometimes it walks off completely.

I made it to Christmas!! Yes! I felt good. The boys were home, presents under the tree, dogs were happy and it was cold as fuck outside. Really cold, New England cold. So cold that my outside shower busted it’s valve. Water was spraying everywhere.

I had just gotten out of a lovely hot shower and heard the pop from outside. I was already wet so I figured I’d just throw on a rain jacket and handle the situation. Just a rain jacket, that was it. I forgot it was 30 degrees outside. I also forgot I am not an engineer. My first plan did not work, so on to plan B, shut the water off at the main valve. Still in my rain jacket, Jackson and I attempt to shut off the main water valve, now that just busted off. Oh no. We did manage to fix that situation thank goodness.

Stay calm. Do not freak out. Do not let this ruin Christmas. Think…

I know people!!

Fortunately, I only freaked out for 2 minutes. Stay calm. I realized I know people who have stuff and know how to fix things. I called my friend and neighbor who works for the water company and I was able to get a meter wrench which I needed to shut the water off at the meter box. Done! I also called my friend who is a contractor and handy man extraordinaire. He came over and fixed the outside shower. What a friend to do that on Christmas morning. It was a Christmas miracle. My ‘bad luck’ was just a reminder that I was very lucky to have wonderful people in my life who came to my rescue on Christmas morning. We got on with the day and I had a really good Christmas surrounded by my family. It was all I needed.

I bought myself most of my Christmas presents this year. I had to set myself up for success! One of my little fun gifts to myself was a yellow push button that said “You are a Badass.” After my plumbing situation, I thought the button was a perfect gift to myself. When pushed, it plays 5 different affirmations of badassery. It also came with a little yellow book titled the same. “You are a Badass.” I waited a few days after Christmas before I even looked at this book. On December 28th, the book was calling to me, I started to read it. I didn’t start from the begining, I just opened it up and the words popped out at me.

Love yourself.

What are you doing here?

Forgive yourself.

Surround yourself with people who think the way you want to think.

Your brain is your bitch.

Love yourself, unless you have a better idea.

This little book was amazing. I couldn’t get enough of it.

After Lorick died I spent days with racing thoughts, self doubt, sadness, lonely. Ex-Wife Island is a very lonely place. This little book was a life boat. The message was so simple and clear. LOVE YOURSELF. I wrote that down. Nothing else matters, nothing good can come back to me if I don’t love myself first. Loving myself first became my new mission.

It’s a daily practice, just as giving grace is. I was giving grace to others but not to myself. I needed to forgive myself for being so hard on me. Replaying the what if’s of the week leading to Lorick’s death. I really needed to forgive myself for the years I allowed someone to tell me how bad I was. I am not bad, but I am a badass.

This badass is going the make my brain my bitch and get that bitch back on track. Time to release some baggage.

Dear Lorick,

Can you help me please? It’s silly of me to ask because you were mean to me, a lot. Your mean words made me feel ugly, less than. Did you say those things to me because you felt that way about yourself? I know you loved me, you just didn’t love yourself. You said those hurtful things to me because that hurt was trapped in you. I’m sorry you did not love yourself enough. Please let me go. Please let me heal and find happiness and love again. I deserve that.

I do miss you a bunch. I always loved how you smelled and I thought of that yesterday. If only we could have one more chance, but we can not. All of our chances are gone. Please let me go.

xoxo Sugar Britches

Layers of Grief

Deliverance and the Bison

Hey, are you going to just stand there or are you going to move already? There’s always room to learn about oneself—no matter your age or how well you think you know yourself. If you’ve been following my journey, you know I’m constantly evolving, always striving to be a better human. But here’s the catch:…

by deniced49 August 19, 2024August 20, 2024

As Fast as a Turtle

A turtle never abandons its carriage. Timing Is Everything We’ve all heard it said: timing is everything. As we navigate through life, each of us on our own journey, there are moments when we question whether we’re on the right path. Reflecting on my past, I can now clearly see the times when I veered…

by deniced49 August 10, 2024August 10, 2024

This is just a test…. Buckle Up.

I consider myself a crayon, I might not be your favorite color but one day you’ll need me to complete your picture. ~ Savannah Highnote This is a test… This is only a test. Stay calm and trust the process. Seriously?! How many times do I have to go through life’s fire drills? It’s especially…

by deniced49 July 11, 2024August 7, 2024

Category: Layers of Grief