Shhhhh……… NO ONE CARES.
Losing someone you care about is always difficult. But what happens when your grief isn’t acknowledged or supported by society or the people around you? This is known as disenfranchised grief, and it’s what I’ve been experiencing since my ex-husband passed away six months ago.
Our relationship was not a conventional one. Despite our divorce, we still cared deeply for each other. I loved him deeply and was devastated by his loss. However, my grief was made even more painful by the fact that I was excluded from his family’s mourning process in just about every way.
Not being included or regarded was a painful experience for me. It felt like a harsh reminder that my grief was not considered valid. Our relationship had no value, as if it never existed. Just a figment of my imagination. Learning about his celebration of life and the scattering of ashes through social media (with actual photos of his ashes being thrown in the river) was also hurtful and insensitive.
But, I did not imagine our relationship. We had a deep connection, and our love for each other didn’t end just because we weren’t married anymore. It was difficult to mourn his loss without being able to share my feelings with his family, who were an important part of his life.
This is the pain of disenfranchised grief. When we lose a loved one, we often rely on the support of family and friends to help us through the grieving process. However, when that support is lacking, it can make the experience even more painful. It can be especially challenging when your grief is not acknowledged by society or the people around us.
As I have come to understand, disenfranchised grief is a common experience, particularly when the relationship between the mourner and the deceased is not seen as conventional or “normal.” It’s okay to feel angry, sad, and frustrated, and to seek out support from other sources if the people around you aren’t able to provide it.
In the end, what helped me the most was finding ways to honor my ex-husband’s memory on my own. I found comfort in writing about my feelings and sharing my story with others who have gone through similar experiences.
If you’re grieving the loss of a loved one and feel like your grief is not being acknowledged or supported, know that your feelings are valid and important. You deserve to mourn the loss of someone you loved, regardless of the circumstances of your relationship. I hope that sharing my story will help others going through similar experiences feel less alone and more understood.
The Dish by Deni 