God has placed me on a new path. It’s different from my last journey, but in many ways, it feels familiar. I’m now working in hospice care.
When people hear the word “hospice,” they often think of death. I get that—but hospice is so much more. Hospice care is specialized in providing comfort, not just physically but emotionally, socially, and spiritually, for those with serious illnesses when treatments are no longer effective. It’s about relieving pain and suffering, offering peace in a time of great vulnerability.
Recently, I accompanied a hospice nurse to an older nursing home that happened to be across the street from a brand-new charter school and playground. As I walked in, something profound struck me. There, in one room, lay a patient in the last stages of her life. The walls around her were adorned with photos—family, friends, and snapshots of her younger, more vibrant self.
Just outside her window, children ran, jumped, and played with wild abandon, their laughter filling the air. It hit me: those children, in their joy, had no idea that just across the street, someone who once ran and played like them was now at the end of her journey.
Life is a gift. Our bodies, too, are gifts from God, though many of us—including myself—often take them for granted. We need to cherish this gift, nurture our bodies, and move them with intention while we can.
If you are reading this, I would like you to think about your loved ones who are in their sunset years. Maybe it’s time to give them a call or pay them a visit if it’s possible. I would also like you to take a moment out of your day to move with intention, laugh freely, and cherish the gift of life. We never know when our turn to reflect from that window will come.
And we need to remember to smile, laugh, be kind, and spread joy—because, in the end, life’s simplest pleasures are its greatest treasures.
There’s a beauty in the contrast, a melody in the song of life; the young and the elderly, separated by only a few yards, yet living at opposite ends of life’s spectrum.
My Dance of Composed Chaos: A Journey to Authenticity
Y’all know I love some self-reflection. The journey to find the core of one’s self… The ticker… Today, let’s cut the pretense and dive deep into the raw truth of my existence. If you’ve been following along with my blog, you’ve probably sensed the underlying theme: honesty and authenticity. Today, I had a revelation – my life is a delicate balance of what I like to call ‘composed chaos’. Sounds like an oxymoron, right? It’s like trying to smash two magnets together, only to have them repel each other with a force that’s both frustrating and fascinating.
But here’s the thing: I’ve come to terms with this chaotic dance. It’s not about forcing harmony where none exists; it’s about embracing the beautiful messiness of life.
So, why do I find solace in chaos? And why do I crave moments of composure and calm amidst the storm? It’s time to ask the tough questions and uncover the truths lurking beneath the surface.
First off, let’s tackle the chaos. For me, chaos isn’t just random disorder – it’s the whirlwind of emotions, experiences, and ideas that shape who I am. It’s the messy canvas upon which I paint my story, with each stroke adding depth and complexity to the masterpiece of my life.
But why do I seek chaos? Perhaps it’s because chaos is where growth thrives. It’s in the midst of uncertainty and unpredictability that I discover new perspectives, challenge my beliefs, and push the boundaries of what I thought possible. Chaos is the catalyst for change, the spark that ignites my creativity and fuels my passion for life.
Yet, amidst the chaos, there are moments of calm – fleeting respites that offer clarity and perspective. These moments of composure are essential for grounding myself, for finding balance in the midst of the storm. They remind me to breathe, to pause, to reflect on the journey I’ve traveled and the path that lies ahead.
So, how do I reconcile these seemingly contradictory forces – chaos and composure, disorder and harmony? The answer lies in embracing the duality of existence. Life isn’t linear or predictable; it’s a messy, beautiful mosaic of highs and lows, triumphs and tribulations.
By accepting both the chaos and the calm, I can find peace within myself. I can navigate the twists and turns of life with grace and resilience, knowing that each moment – whether chaotic or composed – is an opportunity for growth and self-discovery.
So here’s to embracing the dance of composed chaos – to living authentically, boldly, and unapologetically. Because in the end, it’s the messy, imperfect moments that make life worth living.
Join me on this journey of self-discovery, as we navigate the beautiful chaos of existence together. Who knows what we’ll find amidst the tumultuous waves of life? One thing’s for sure – it’s bound to be one hell of a ride.
Stay tuned for more musings, revelations, and adventures. And remember, it’s okay to embrace the chaos – just don’t forget to find moments of composure along the way.
Today was like any other day at work—filled with unexpected twists and turns that keep me on my toes. But today’s journey took me on a quest to find one of my favorite patients who was en route to the hospital in an ambulance.
Instead of opting for a simple phone call, I found myself driving to not one, but two different hospitals in search of her. As luck would have it, I happened to be near the first hospital her granddaughter thought she might have gone to. Needless to say, she wasn’t there, so I embarked on a one-hour journey to reach her.
Call it intuition or divine guidance, but I felt compelled to find her, and my gut led me straight to her side. Along the way, a serendipitous encounter with a penny reaffirmed that I was on the right track.
Upon arriving at the ER, I found my sweet 86-year-old friend in a less than ideal condition. Despite her struggles, she’s a giver through and through. A widow who has endured the unimaginable loss of burying two children, she continues to give tirelessly to her surviving child, even in the face of theft and threats to her well-being.
This imbalance between giver and taker struck a chord with me. Life is often portrayed as a delicate balance between light and dark, good and bad. Yet, witnessing the selfless care of a young giver juxtaposed with the selfishness of a taker’s actions made me question my own role in this dynamic.
As I pondered on this throughout the evening, a simple act at the grocery store served as a poignant reminder. Watching someone abandon their shopping cart in the parking lot, despite the designated return area being mere steps away, highlighted the stark contrast between giving and taking.
It made me wonder—what kind of person am I? Am I a giver or a taker? And more importantly, who do I aspire to be?
In a world where the lines between right and wrong can blur, these questions linger in my mind. But one thing is clear: the choice is ours to make. Will we choose to give, to uplift and support those around us? Or will we take, prioritizing our own needs at the expense of others?
As I reflect on today’s events, I’m reminded of the profound impact of our choices. So I ask you, dear reader: Who do you want to be? The giver or the taker?
The answer lies within each of us, waiting to be discovered and embraced. And in that choice, we shape not only our own destiny but also the world around us.
Let’s strive to be givers in a world that sometimes takes too much. After all, it’s the giving that truly enriches our lives and those of others.
When someone says: “Expect the unexpected” Slap them and say: “You didn’t expect that did you?
It’s the little things… or perhaps, the big things. The line between them blurs, and I find myself questioning if they’re truly separate entities or intricately intertwined. After a considerable hiatus, the urge to put pen to paper has resurfaced, fueled by a persistent feeling that’s difficult to articulate.
This sensation stems from a culmination of seemingly inconspicuous details that have morphed into a singular, substantial entity. Amidst this amalgamation, the loss of Lorick stands out as an undeniable significant event—a truly big thing that has left an indelible mark on my life.
Reflecting on this, I’ve come to the realization that I was trapped in a state of paralysis. Stuck in the relentless routine of day-to-day life, I found myself mired in a profound sense of unhappiness. Interestingly, this stagnant state persisted even longer than Lorick’s absence, making me acutely aware of the gravity of my situation.
The little things, once dismissed, have coalesced into a formidable force, prompting me to confront the larger issues at play. It’s a journey of self-discovery and acknowledgment, a realization that the seemingly insignificant elements can wield profound influence, and that addressing them is pivotal to breaking free from the shackles of, stuck ness.
So, with this realization in mind, I made the conscious decision to unstick myself—a process I had been grappling with for quite some time. The challenge lay in identifying the right solvent to dissolve the stickiness that had held me captive.
Step one involved embarking on a quest to find a new job—one that would not just be a means of employment but a source of genuine fulfillment. I sought a role that would allow me to engage in activities that resonate with the essence of who I am, particularly my passion for helping others.
Step two required a leap of faith in trusting the process. Embracing change and believing in the journey ahead, even when the path seemed uncertain, became an integral part of this transformative process.
Then came step three—the pivotal moment of pulling the trigger. It was about making a definitive choice and committing to the decisions that would reshape my life. This step, though daunting, marked the initiation of a journey towards a more authentic and satisfying existence.
Step four, the final act, simply involved taking a breath and acknowledging that the deed was done. The culmination of these steps ushered in a new chapter, free from the constraints of stagnation. I had successfully dissolved the stickiness that once bound me, opening doors to possibilities and opportunities that align with my true self.
Having successfully navigated the journey of self-liberation, I found myself pondering the significance of sharing my experiences, particularly those intertwined with Lorick. The canvas of my life is adorned with a myriad of intriguing, diverse, and challenging experiences, each capable of enriching any conversation, regardless of who sits around the table.
However, this week—though it’s only Wednesday—I noticed a distinct inclination to bring my bipolar journey through life with Lorick to the forefront of these conversations. Surprisingly, both aspects of my experiences were unveiled like a meticulously prepared gourmet dinner, served to my unsuspecting guests.
It made me reflect on the nature of vulnerability and authenticity in storytelling. Lorick’s role in my life, with all its intricacies and challenges, became a poignant thread in the tapestry of my narrative. Sharing this facet allowed me to connect with others on a deeper level, fostering genuine understanding and empathy.
I realized that there is immense power in embracing the entirety of one’s journey, including the complexity of relationships and mental health. By bringing these experiences to the table, I created an opportunity for meaningful connections, transcending the superficial layers of conversation.
Yet, my grief remains a constant companion. Each day, its presence lingers, shrouded in an enigmatic ‘why’ that often eludes understanding. I find myself caught in a cycle of replaying moments, wrestling with regret, and fervently wishing for a different outcome. The harsh reality, however, is that I cannot alter the irreversible; Lorick is gone, and I am here, alive.
My pain, my enduring suffering, possesses a unique potential—a transformative power that could mend someone else’s brokenness. It struck me that, through the ability to lend a compassionate ear, an understanding mind, and a heart willing to help, I could channel my experiences into a force for healing.
Life, as I’ve observed, unfolds unevenly, distributing its fairness and unfairness without discernible rhyme or reason. Bearing witness to this inherent injustice, I acknowledge the weight of my own struggles. Yet, in embracing the unfairness, I’ve discovered an opportunity to do the right thing, to utilize my pain as a catalyst for positive change.
It’s an acknowledgment that life’s hardships can be repurposed to bring solace to others. Lorick, I believe, would find solace in the idea that his absence could serve a greater purpose, no matter the subject. Nurturing empathy, understanding, and healing in the lives of those who may share similar struggles.
The Dish by Deni 