Be the reason someone smiles today. Or the reason they drink, whatever works.

A few days went by and I struggled to find a worthy past experience that would highlight what this journey of mine is all about. My journey, my path to seek my lost self worth a reminder of my value. I am looking back not at the ‘bad’ or negative situations that have impacted my decisions, but the decisions I made that have had a positive impact which molded my character to who I am and why I am me. The wonderful, unique, special me. So, in my quest for self worth and recognizing my value through past experiences, I realized I had a big one standing right in front of me, basically slapping me in the face.

RUNNING!!!!

I started ‘running’, well, probably more jogging (there is a difference) back in my early 20’s. I sucked at it. I actually did not like it at all. I only did it as a means to try and keep weight off. My distance threshold was no more than 3 miles, if that. I wasn’t very healthy in my early 20’s, so any type of exercise was difficult. I could break out into another blog story on life in my 20’s, but not today, I’ll save it for another theme.

After my first son Max was born my health and wellness became a priority. I started working at a gym which lent way to becoming a fitness instructor and personal trainer. I enjoyed the feeling that exercise gave me. We lived on an Island, Martha’s Vineyard. We also lived very close to a bike path. The bike path curved along the coast line and offered lovely views of the beach, Vineyard Sound and the main land. Any chance I could put my baby in my stoller and run, I would. But, I never went past 3 miles. I am not sure why in my head that was all I could do, but, that distance lived there for a long, long time.

My family was growing and it was time for a change, we wanted to move away from the cold winters common in New England. So, we moved from Martha’s Vineyard to Beaufort, SC. Beaufort is on the coast and offered plenty of beauty while running through out the area. My wellness career was growing and my fitness level was increasing, I wanted to push and challenge myself. I was working at the Beaufort YMCA, I started instructing a bootcamp style class with a fellow instructor, Jenny, whose husband was a Marine, and at the time deployed. We became fast friends who shared a passion for fitness. We joined forces and taught the bootcamp class together. One of the componets of our class was, running. Running became a natural progression for me. But, I still kept the distance to my safe 3 miles.

Jenny’s husband came home from his deployment in the Afghanistan. Ty, Jenny’s husband also had a passion for fitness, we decided to include him with leading our bootcamp class. Honestly it was perfect because he was the only one of us who actually went through bootcamp, it gave our class street credit.

While I was at the Y, I got a message from a client who needed to cancel her session with me that morning. Lemons, lemonade, I saw an opportunity to go for a quick run. I happened to be talking with Jenny and Ty when the message came in. I mentioned my plan to head out for a run. They were heading out for a run too and asked me to join them. “Sure, how far and where are you going?” I said. Ty replied, “Five miles today.” I paused and thought to myself, no way am I telling them I only run 3 miles. No way, it would be too embarrassing and super whimpy of me, so I just said, “ok, I’ll go with you.”

I ran 5 miles with Jenny and Ty that morning. I had actually run faster than the both of them. My running mental road block was officially over. I seriously never looked back. 5 miles became 7 miles, 10 miles, up to my half marathon debut. I ran strong, fast, I loved it. I felt powerful, confident, strong. I would get the runners high I had only heard about. I had run about 5 half marathons, some competivtive 10ks, I would place in my age group or in the overall catagory bringing home the big medal or trophy, sometimes money. Even with my increased confidence as a runner, running 26.2 miles, the distance of a marathon was not a consiseration of mine. Enter Gunny James.

Staff Sergeant Gunny James, aka, Adam James. Adam was a friend of Ty’s and also a Marine. Ty had encouraged Gunny James, (We all called him that) to come to our a Saturday bootcamp class. Gunny James was hooked. We could always count on his participation along with encouraging others in class to push themselves. After several months Gunny James got word his unit would deploy to Afghanistan and his tour would last about a year. We all kept in touch with him, I can’t remember if it was via text or messenger, but we kept in touch.

February 2011, I got a message from Gunny James. His message to me was to inform me he was going to register for the Marine Corps Marathon held in October in Washington, DC. His unit would be back in the states at the begining of September. Registration for the MCM opens in mid-February. I was reading his message and then I got to the part about me. He asked me to run the marathon with him. I don’t remember my first response, but I am sure I was hesitant. Gunny James had me figured out, clearly he observed me over the months of our bootcamp class, he knew I had a competitve drive, so he threw a challenge at me, I can not turn down a challenge. “Training won’t be hard for you” He said, “It’s not like you would be training in the desert on a base where you would have to run countless laps just to make your weekly distance, or have to take cover from possible incoming fire like I will have to do. You would just be running in the Lowcountry with plenty to look at, water stops, ect. What’s your problem? Afraid?”

Well, fuck. I guess I am signing up to run the 2011 Marine Corps Marathon.

Training for a marathon is no joke. There are a couple of running plans to properly train for a marathon runners follow. The 18 week, 16 week, or 12 week plan. The plan one would choose depends on your pre-marathon fitness level, running level. I’m going with the 16 week plan. What that means, I am starting my training program 16 weeks prior to the date of the marathon, which also means I am begining my training at the begining of July. July is usually warm and hot most places, however, living in Beaufort SC July is synonymous with very hot, humid, opressive summers that linger well into fall with little relief of cooler temps. I guess I am going to train for this dang marathon in hell. What in the world am I doing? Gunny James tricked me! Either way, I made my commitment to Gunny James, and most importantly, myself. I can do this. I have it in me. Let’s go for a run.

Gunny James came back from Afghanistan in September. We were just past the halfway point in our training and I was thrilled to have someone else to run with. Our long runs were over 15 miles, and according to the training plan we needed to hit three 20 mile distance runs before the big day. We did it, it was tough, hot, and rewarding. I discovered a new appreciation for my body and my legs. My body was power. I had power, strength, skill. No one could come close to taking that away from me. I was doing this long distance running thing, it was mine, and I owned it.

Gunny James made a pact with me. He told me he would run with me the entire race. He also told me he did not want to hold me back, he said if I felt good, I needed to just go. Our finish time goal was 3:40-3:45. The morning of the marathon was very cold and we stood around for what seemed like hours before we could even start running. I started to miss the hot as hell training conditions. We watched Marines parachute down to the start, we listened to the National Anthem, and waited for the canon to boom.

We were off.

I remember Gunny James telling me to back off my pace a bit, I was going to fast he said and he did not want me to hit “The Wall” to early. I felt good, but I understood I needed to trust his advice. I never ran 26.2 miles, he did. The route was awesome in so many ways. Every water station, aid station along the route was maned by our USMC. Gunny James was also wearing a USMC shirt and just hearing people cheering for him was exhilarating. Those spectators cheering gave me an adrenaline rush, I felt as if I was running on air. We made it to mile 16, close to the National Mall. Gunny James started to slow down. He turned to me and said, “You need to push forward. I am holding you back at this point. You only have 10 miles left, go for it. I’ll meet you at the finish.” I believed him, I knew I could do it. It was only 10 more miles. Let’s not fool ourselves, 10 miles is still a long way from done.

23 miles in, my legs were screaming at me, enough! I looked at my watch and I couldn’t believe how well I was pacing. If I kept it up I could finish 15 minutes faster than I had even thought possible. Mind over matter at this point. The mental battle was on, no way am I going to walk, or stop. The conversation in my head was heavy, maybe even silly. It’s just less than a 5k left, push yourself, go, do it, the Marines are watching you, don’t let them down. Oh and hey, Deni, don’t let yourself down, you trained for this, you are prepared.

The final stretch, War Memorial Access Rd. This is up hill. I passed people barely able to walk, I think I saw a women crawling her way to the finish. Legs don’t fail me now, I am so close to done. Just one more small push.

DONE! 26.2 miles done. I finished my first marathon in 3 hours 37 minutes. I had no idea what I was made of, what I could do and how powerful, strong, resilient of a human I am. I did it and I did it all on my own. I compare finishing this marathon to birthing my children. The immense joy it gave me I honestly don’t think words could explain. I became born again.

The 2011 was only the begining. I just qualified for the 2013 Boston Marathon.

Let’s Roll!